You Might Be A Minnesotan If...

• You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches

   of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
   

• You are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights 

  each  year because International Falls is the coldest city in the nation.
   

• You have refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."
   

• You think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys.
   

• You're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU.
   

• Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
   

• You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year.
   

• Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
   

• Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
   

• You have apologized to a telemarketer.
   

• You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.
   

• You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
   

• You have either a pet or a child named "Kirby."
   

• Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
   

• You have had an entire telephone conversation with someone who 

  dialed a wrong number.
   

• You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.
   

• You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
   

• You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
   

• Every January, from age 2 to l3, you let your older siblings talk you into

   putting your tongue on a steel post.
   

• You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when it is filled 

  with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a 

  dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.
   

• You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.
   

• You always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
   

• Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable, or ethnic food.
   

• The first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men," you thought it was a documentary.
   

• You can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes.
   

• Every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and sing, 

  gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters...Hamm's-the beerthat's so refreshing..."
   

• Your dog dies, your spouse leaves you, you lose your job, and your car breaks 

  down, all on the same day, and your first thought is, "It could be worse."